jesusroxgirl

Thank you anonymous deviant who upgraded my profile you totally just made my week!

Sorry I haven't been on here, everyone. I've had really crazy stuff go on in my life in the past year.... Plus senior year in college is giving me fits -.- oh well, I still love you guys and haven't forgotten you! Just an update, I have Manassas 2 about a third of the way finished. I have also started two other novels, one potentially named Thiranos and the other The Crystal Blades. I am also working on self-publishing Manassas on Amazon. More on that late

I can seem to make the right decision anymore. I've had so many opportunities to lately, but no matter what i'm not happy. I always end up hurting someone. Everyone says the same things about everyone else. It's not a question of who to trust. I need a way to vent, but poetry doesn't come to me anymore. I've so much stress here, at home, that believe it or not, I can't wait to get back into school.

These things have become clear to me in the past few weeks:

1) I can't make decisions to save my life.... even if it will save my life.

2) No matter what, I can't be right anymore.

3) Any choice I do end up making always hurts someone I love.

4) I can never be happy anymore because I keep hurting people.

5) Any decision I make will be masochistic.

6) Having support from a loved one means wanting things to go their way.

7) God has something in store for me, and this pain is only the beginning.

8) My life has and will become increasingly complicated.

9) Even if I know where I'll end up, I'll never know where I'll be.

10) Giving up is a decision in itself that i refuse to make.

There is no out. I can't just run away from my problems. I have recognized this is my life now. Where is forgiveness? Where is support? Where is understanding? Where is peace? I can't seem to find any of it anymore. As I struggle through this, I only understand what God reveals to me. Even if it is more pain.

I ask now that you just pray for me in these hard and dark times.

I fear I will end up with nothing.

I truly apologize for my lack of activity on dA... I blame school and, well, life. My life has pretty much been crap since about, well, last semester. All the words have pretty much been taken out of me. I've written some, but i've never been able to complete anything. Manassas publishing is going nowhere. I might have a part-time summer job. School is yet again kicking my butt. I don't really have much else to say to be honest... hopefully i'll be more active as soon as the semester ends...

love you all
God bless!

~Shelly~

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I updated, so I thought i'd catch up on things.

First, a few things that are on my mind... Tomorrow I move back into the dorm. I'm kind of ify on whether i should spend the night or not. technically i don't have to be on campus until tuesday afternoon. the only reason i'm kinda scared to stay the night is because i just checked my email and the dean of students had sent out an email about two days ago that said a stomach virus i going around campus. I have a phobia of throwing up, so.... yeah.... my suitemate is on an immunity suppressant and hasn't gotten it yet, so hopefully it's either not that bad or has already dissipated. I am really considering just staying at the dorm because staying home would only get me food lol

I'm not sure whether I want the semester to start or not cause I'm kind of missing the old swing of things, but then again, it's school... I'm not sure whether this semester will be easier or harder... if it's easier, it won't be by much.

I have kind of lost my writing spirit lately. Over the break I had planned to do a lot, but stuff kept coming up and it kept breaking whatever writing spirit i had. I hope that this semester i can get it back. I have words that i want to write, but nothing seems to work for me. Maybe when i get back into the semester with all of the science and stuff, i'll want to take a break by writing some. I don't have an english class this semester (Cell Bio, Organic II, Physics 202, and intro to music), so maybe that will give me a little break from reading and writing. I hope hope hope and pray that bio will be easy for me. I don't see myself having a problem, but only time will tell

I've just been having a tough time lately with life in general. Ppl seem to be targeting me for crap. My parents think they have lost me.... or at least they did... don't know what's up with that now. I haven't changed, so i really don't know why they thought that. They also think that my friends are too old for me. The ones that i mainly hang out with are around 30. That's generally because the ones that are my age don't invite me to hang out much, if at all. My older friends just seem to be my better friends cause they at least listen to me and try to understand me. But yeah.... that's my life haha

love you guys!
God bless!

~Shelly~

I just wanna say thank you to whoever gave me a Premium Membership! This is really exciting for me cause I've never had one Thank you so much!!!!! Merry Christmas!!!!!

love,
and God Bless,

~Shelly~